Et Cetera
by Blodigealach
Summary: There was only Nasch since the very beginning, but the one Thomas wanted is Kamishiro Ryoga. Hellshark. Contains spoilers from episode 124-126 and 131. Mentioned character's death in the second chapter.
1. I Know What I Want

The war was over and everyone returned safely to earth. Their injuries were somewhat healed, and people were running to each other with tears and laughter. Thomas, too, found Chris and Michael inside that crowd. Michael came crashing to him, holding him tightly as he cried in relief and joy. Chris joined them and told him that he fought well, and Thomas thanked him for the power his brother lent to him. But more than his brothers, there was a man he wanted to see the most, and his eyes were searching for him in the sea of people.

And there he was, back in human form—the Kamishiro Ryoga he knew. Thomas quickly ran towards him, abandoning his brothers and all other people who were still celebrating. But before he could even reach him, Ryoga turned and walked away. Thomas traced to the direction where he walked to and found a certain grey haired man. He reached out his hand to Ryoga and Ryoga accepted it.

"RYOGA!" Thomas shouted at the top of his lungs as he widened his eyes over what he saw. He sighed in relief when Ryoga turned back to him, although he could see the unwillingness in the deep blue. They just stood there in silence. The voices around them sounded like inaudible buzz in their ears.

"Nasch," Durbe spoke softly as he tapped Ryoga's shoulder, and he knew what it meant. He stared at Durbe with a pained gaze, and he could feel the grip on his shoulder strengthened.

Durbe could see how Ryoga was about to say something, but he quickly shook his head to prevent it from happening. Ryoga—_Nasch_ is going with him back to the Barian world, and it wasn't even a choice. Nasch looked at Thomas once again, and as he ate his own heart out he looked away and continued to walk.

"Ryoga, wait!" shouted Thomas, and they stopped. Durbe glared at him, but Nasch wasn't even moving an inch. He squeezed his hand to the point his knuckles turned white. Thoughts and feelings clashed in his heart and mind, but he knew he had to make a choice. No, he didn't have the right to even choose. His fate was already decided, and it was out of his authority to change it.

"Ryoga!"

"It's Nasch," replied Nasch. His voice was shaking despite his effort to keep his voice strong and firm.

"You are Kamishiro Ryoga to me!" shouted Thomas in reply. Nasch gritted his teeth, trying so hard not to break down in front of the man he wanted to be with for the rest of his life and for all eternity if he's allowed to. But what he wanted wouldn't matter. He and Thomas were different and nothing would change that.

"Kamishiro Ryoga is long dead," replied Nasch, this time with firmer voice.

"No. You are here, right in front of my eyes. You are Kamishiro Ryoga, not Nasch!" shouted IV again. Silence fell on them again, and every second felt like eternity.

If he were to choose, he wanted to turn around, running right into Thomas' open arms and cried against his chest as he apologized for all he had done. He wanted for those long fingers to wipe his tears, and for the pair of magenta to swallow him whole. He wanted to breath in his air, feeling his skin against his own, staying close enough for them to share their body heat. And in those sleepless nights, he wanted to whisper the words he had yet said to him. He would repeat it again and again like a mantra, and he knew that Thomas would do exactly the same.

But again, it was just his naïve dream. The reality that he had to face was right in front of his eyes. On his right was Merag, who was looking at him with a concerned look. They were twins since the very beginning, and Nasch was sure that Merag knew what was running in his head at the very moment. He asked her desperately in silence, but she was just looking down in apology.

On his left was Durbe, the one friend he considered as his own brother ever since the previous life. The man always knew what's best for him, and his answer was a firm shake of head. The pair of grey clearly showed that he didn't want to lose Nasch _again_. Nasch, too, didn't want to lose both Durbe and Merag ever again, but he didn't want to lose Thomas as well.

"Ryoga," Thomas' voice broke through the silence, and this time Nasch couldn't resist the urge to turn back to him. Thomas' expression was soft, and it both felt weird and comforting at the same time. He reached out his hand to Nasch with a reassuring smile that made Nasch felt really sick inside.

"Come home, Ryoga," Thomas spoke softly. The words struck him hard and he knew he was fallen instantly. He raised his hand slowly, but it was caught before he could even hold it out to Thomas. Nasch whipped his head to his left, to the angry looking Durbe. Reality once again came crashing to him and Nasch was so close to breaking down into pieces.

"You belong with us, Nasch," stated Durbe firmly. He then shot a glare to Thomas and was about to take Nasch away when Thomas spoke back to him.

"Stop it right there. Ryoga is coming home with me," protested Thomas. He didn't even know who that man was aside of that he's a Barian. But from how Nasch seemed to cling to him and how he was being protective over Nasch, Thomas could conclude that there were something between them—something between him and _Nasch_ that Thomas didn't know.

"It's a pity, but you are deeply mistaken. _Nasch_ is going to _our_ home, and you are not taking him away from _us_," replied Durbe strongly. He wouldn't let Nasch go—not again, never again. Nasch is precious to him, and Barian World needed him. It wasn't even a battle of who loved Nasch the most. Barian World is Nasch's Kingdom and the people love Nasch. Meanwhile to human, Nasch is a leader of what tried to destroy their world and the one who took their loved ones' life. There's no way Durbe would let Nasch stayed in such world.

"Everyone is waiting, Nasch. Let's come home," whispered Durbe, and he could feel Nasch squeezing his hand hard. Nasch nodded, and Thomas widened his eyes in disbelief.

"Ryoga!"

"You keep on calling for Ryoga, Ryoga, but I'm not Ryoga. I'm Nasch. I'm Nasch and that's a solid truth," Nasch began to spoke. His voice was soft and wavering, but the strong feelings inside the voice hit Thomas like a huge wave.

"No, you are Kamishiro Ryoga—"

"The one named 'Kamishiro Ryoga' is long dead," cut Nasch, and this time his voice was firmer than before. The grief behind the clear pair of deep blue showed Thomas that he's serious. "That man is nothing but an identity created to accommodate my life in earth. He died in a car crash when he's still very young, and I took over his body to survive after Vector banished me from the Barian World," Nasch added, and he could see how horror formed in Thomas' face. He, too, was shocked when the memories resurfaced in his mind upon Vector's revelation of the truth.

"It was I since the very beginning. There's no 'Kamishiro Ryoga', just 'Nasch', and that's the truth," continued Nasch. He felt strangely light after saying all those, as if a heavy burden was lifted off his shoulders. There would be no more lies. It hurt, for sure, but that's for the best.

"The one you want is Kamishiro Ryoga but I'm not him. You should give up chasing for a phantom, IV. This is the truth you must accept," he added for the last time.

Thomas felt that his whole world was crumbling. The Ryoga he met during the Asia Champion tournament, the Ryoga he ridiculed in the World Duel Carnival, the Ryoga he left his trust for saving his father, the Ryoga who returned his family back to normal, the Ryoga who fought alongside him—every single one was a lie, a fabrication. Everything came clear to him. There was never Ryoga for him to bring back home. No matter how hard he tried to bring him back, no matter what he did, all that left was Nasch, because it was only Nasch since the very beginning.

Thomas fell to his knees. His feet could no longer support him over the weight of the truth that was put upon him. He looked really lost, and Nasch had to use every ounce of his self-restraint not to run to him, leaving the world that needed and welcomed him for a single man. Slender fingers brushed against his palm and he saw Merag holding his right hand, as if she knew that Nasch needed more than Durbe to support him so that he wouldn't fall from the reality he had to face.

Slowly, the three of them turned away from the crowd, ready to come back to their home. Durbe knew that Nasch wasn't in the condition to create a proper porthole back to the Barian World so he took the initiative to open one. They were all lined up and were ready to go when Thomas spoke again.

"Don't go."

Durbe scowled and he was ready to ignore the man and drag Nasch away with him, but Nasch didn't even budge. He was squeezing Durbe's hand really hard, and Durbe could only sighed. He complied and let Thomas to say just whatever he wanted to say for the last time. He wouldn't tolerate it anymore afterwards.

"I love you."

The words made Nasch flinched visibly. Those were the words he wanted to hear the most, and yet those were also the words he didn't want to hear the most. On his side, Durbe was fully alarmed. He understood the situation well, and he was ready to drag Nasch back by force. If it would mean that Nasch would hate him for the rest of eternity, so be it.

"Ryoga or Nasch, I love you. I need you. Please stay. Please."

The pleading made the other Barian almost sympathize with Thomas, but they also understood well that Nasch's presence was necessary to rebuild the Barian World. It was their home, the only place where they belonged, and they couldn't let it crumbling apart. A sacrifice must be made, and they knew that Nasch understood that too.

But what they didn't expect was for Nasch to suddenly let go of Durbe and Merag and ran straight to Thomas. Everything happened so fast that none of them had time to react. By the time they realized what was happening, Nasch was already kneeling in front of Thomas—arms wrapped around his shoulders and his fingers digging into the cream fabric.

Thomas also didn't expect any of it. He could only freeze as he felt the warmth of Nasch's body, the smell of ocean breeze assaulting his senses. And then he heard it, the soft sobbing escaping the purple haired man's lips. Slowly, he brought up his arms and wrapped them gently around the slender body. He placed his palm flat against his back, feeling surreal from how solid it felt.

Durbe was ready to jump on them and grabbed Nasch away, but Merag stopped him. He wanted to protest, but Merag gestured him to just wait, to give a little time for them. The look on her face made Durbe stepped back and waited as he was silently asked to. Deep down inside, he prayed for Nasch not to turn away from them in the very last second.

Seconds passed, and it both felt like nothing and forever. Finally Nasch released Thomas and nudged him back, and Thomas complied. The Barian's face was stained with tears, and Thomas couldn't help but think just how beautiful he was. He reached out and wiped the tears with his thumb, and Nasch tilted his head so he could feel the hand caressing him.

Nasch leaned forward, letting his forehead rested against Thomas'. The taller man leaned even closer, until he could feel Nasch's air, but a finger stopped him from letting their lips touched.

"A few years," Nasch murmured, "Give me a few years to rebuild our home. This is a duty no one else can shoulder. When I'm done fixing everything, I will come back to you."

Thomas laughed bitterly. He didn't even know whether or not he could believe in Nasch's words, but it wasn't like he had any choice. He let out a long sigh and cupped Nasch's cheeks, as he looked straight into the pair of deep blue. Oh, just how much he would miss those eyes that could swallow him whole.

"I will wait. Even if it takes forever, I will be waiting for you," whispered Thomas. Nasch smiled at the answer, and he pulled away Thomas' hands so he could tilt his head to place a soft kiss on his forehead. He then leaned back and stood up, wiping the rest of the tears with his sleeve before he turned away and went back to the waiting Barian Lords.

"I'm ready," he stated as he held onto Durbe and Merag's hands. They nodded to him and they all stepped into the porthole, back to the Barian World.

Thomas, too, stood up and walked back to the crowds, back to his own family, and he knew that they would also try to fix their own world. And until the day he and Nasch would meet again, he would wait.

No matter how long it takes.


	2. The Warmth We Shared Just Now

Thomas Arclight lay down on his bed as he faintly heard the bird chirping outside. He could barely stay awake, and his whole body felt drained from all energy he had left. But then again, it wasn't surprising at all. It's not like he's still young anymore. Those years when he traveled around the countries for duel tour was long over. He had retired being a professional duelist at the young age of 32 and started a new job as a duel instructor for junior duelist and sometimes took up offers to be a judge. He met a woman who could stand his personality and everything just happened naturally. He got married, had two healthy kids, and raised them as strong duelists.

But those days had also long gone. His wife died young and his kids had already had their own families. He had also lost the contact with his brothers and he didn't even bother to try contacting anyone. At the bitter age of 73 he signed himself up into a retirement house and spent his time looking far away to the distance, as if he was waiting for someone.

He was 80 when his body stopped listening to him, making him practically glued to the bed. Life was slowly escaping from the pair of magenta that used to burn so brightly. The blazing red and the golden blond of his hair had also faded to silvery grey.

And there he was, at the age of 88, staring to the ceiling as he waited for his time to come. He didn't even care anymore. He just wanted everything to end. He didn't even remember anymore why he struggled so hard to stay alive. All of his memories felt like a blur for him then.

As he tried to just get some sleep, he heard footsteps coming closer to his bed. He frowned because he swore he didn't hear any sound of the door being opened and closed. He listened closely until the footsteps stopped at the side of his bed. He squinted his eyes, trying to see who it was that visited him. From the amount of purple he saw, it was clearly not the doctor. The silhouette was somewhat familiar, as well as the smell of the ocean breeze.

"It has been a while, IV."

The voice hit him hard like a huge wave. He remembered the days when he was still young and stubborn, with duel disk on his arm and d-gazer tattoo on his eye. And then it reformed right in front of his eyes, the figure of a certain purple haired boy, with eyes as deep as ocean with burning flames inside. He remembered about the duels, every single insult they threw at each other, the times when they screamed to each other at the top of their lungs.

On top of everything, he remembered the first and last embrace they shared, of the kiss that never happened. The promise that they shared, that he would return one day and that Thomas would wait no matter how long it takes. At that moment he realized why he struggled so hard to stay alive, and why he would always stare to the distance as if he was waiting for someone. He really was waiting for someone, and that someone was standing there right in front of his eyes.

"Took you long enough," he replied with weak and cracking voice. He had to use all of his strength to raise his hand, and a pair of smooth hands quickly captured it. They brought his hand to the equally smooth cheek, and although his fingertips were mostly numb he could feel the warm liquid streaming against the skin.

"I'm sorry," replied the other with the same rich voice as Thomas could remember. It seemed that the flow of time didn't affect him at all, and he was still as young as the last time they met.

"It's unfair," Thomas spoke again, "You're still young and beautiful, while here I am, old and hideous." He tried to laugh but his dry laughter soon turned into a fit of coughing. He could feel a hand soothing his chest, making him felt better as he gulped down as much air as his lungs could hold. The hand then moved to his own cheek, stroking it gently and tracing what be left of the scar on his right eye. It had faded along the time, but it managed to stay there somehow.

"You still look beautiful to me," he replied, and Thomas couldn't help but smile at the statement. He then felt the bed shifted, and the next thing he knew he was staring right into the deep blue. They were so close that Thomas could feel the air he breathed, and he knew he was blushing furiously and his heart fluttered in anticipation. He felt much younger, really much younger. It was as if he returned to the moment when they first met, the first time they found each other's eyes, the moment when Thomas knew he wanted him to be his and his alone.

Then slowly, he leaned down, closing the gap between them. Thomas could feel the warm lips against his own, soft and inexperienced, but not unsure. He savored every moment that it lasted, carving it into his very own soul for the body would be gone someday. And when they finally parted, he knew that it wouldn't be the last kiss they shared.

"It's time," the voice whispered in his ear softly, and Thomas nodded, closing his eyes as he smiled peacefully. The raging fire was dimmed, but it was once again lit into gentle warmth.

When a nurse dropped by to check on Thomas, his heart had stopped beating, but he looked like he was peacefully sleeping with a strange purple pendant pressing against his chest. His hands were cupping it safely, as if it was his treasured thing.

That night, a star was missing from the constellation.


End file.
